Is wanting to get even with an ex bad?

I recently broke up with my ex maybe a week ago. I just found out through him that he is getting to know someone else, on a relationship level. Now mind you, this person was a ';friend, or like a little brother'; as he put it. Now he is considering to date this person.





I just felt this overwhelming feeling of betrayal, and want to get back at him sooo badly. I want him to feel the pain I feel, but something tells me that it will make things worse. How can I forgive him for doing this to me, and move on?





This was my first relationship, and it ended horribly. =(


I have this feeling of revenge, but is it healthy?





Help me please, Im desparate...Is wanting to get even with an ex bad?
When ever you feel the need to ask a question like that, the answer is always YES!!!Is wanting to get even with an ex bad?
I think everyone has felt that way at least once after a relationship- its so painful to have your heart broken! Getting even sounds good now, but it would be better for you to just move on and try not to dwell on it, which will make the pain worse! He is obviously a slut, and his ';little brother'; can deal with whatever Sh** you broke up with him for because you are free from that now!
Thats really awful, sorry to hear that :(


All you can do really is make him feel terrible about it.


That's what i would do.


It's so mean of him to do this to you.Tell him you don't care about anything he does anymore and he can do what he wants. Or something like that.





Good luck and sorry to hear this. Hope you feel better soon.
The urge for revenge is normal.





What you do with it, will define who you are as a person.





Sometimes the best thing to do, is wait. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.





Don't let yourself fall into the same trap in the future.
it's not necessarily bad,


seeing as i've never been dumped, i've never felt this way before.


but i HAVE felt the urge to make someone cry after they did something terrible to me.


i guess it could be considered unhealthy,


i think the healthiest thing to do, though,


would be to just call him up and CALMLY tell him how you feel.





but i honestly don't know.
Wanting to isn't. Hanging onto that feeling or trying to act on it is.





Maybe acknowledge the emotion is there when you notice it, and then scoot off and do something else to keep you busy and get your mind off it?
It is not written that you have to forgive someone. But for your sanity, you should move on. Let him go completely. No more calls, e-mails, texts...no contact.





Although you didn't say why your relationship ended?
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to do. Yet it is also one of the greatest gifts you can offer.





Right now you're hurt and it is a natural human response--to wit: an animal response--to strike out when we're hurt. But we as humans also have the self-control to know when doing so would be non-constructive. I think you've realized that, but you want to get in just one... last... punch.





But time, non-communication (and I mean TOTAL non-communication) and getting on with your life will make it better. It's not fun and it may take a while but one of the best things for people in this situation is the routine of daily life: working, doing laundry, etc. It takes your mind off the break-up and puts time and other events in between you and the break-up. As much as you may not feel like it, go out with family and friends. You will feel kind of detached and ambivalent but that's to be expected. Slowly, your life will return to you and you will be the wiser and better man for taking the high road.





Good luck.
There's nothing wrong with your feelings, but you've got to allow your ex the same courtesy. Try as we might, we can't dictate our feelings. What we can control is the way we act (or don't act) on them.


Your hurt and desire for revenge are understandable and natural. You don't necessarily need to try to quit feeling the way you do. However, your time would probably be better spent letting yourself heal from the breakup and loving yourself instead of letting the negative feelings take up too much of your time and energy.


Focus on you. Whether that means spending lots of time with other friends, getting some spa treatments, or alone time for a hobby/book/meditation, just do what makes you happy instead of spending too much time focusing on the person who has made you sad.


Best of luck!
What you're feeling is normal, especially if you really cared about the person who broke up with you -- but from personal experience, I can tell you that while revenge fantasies have a tempting allure these fantasies have BAD tendency to blow up in our faces if we act on them.





It takes time to recover from the wound of a relationship which ended, and one simply has to go through the process of grieving the end of the relationship -- the numbness, the anger, the bargaining, the depression, and finally the acceptance so you can go on with your life.





Don't add to what you have to go through by acting out on a revenge fantasy, even as tempting as the fantasy might be.