I'm going to be 25 in the summer and I feel like I am a thousand light years away from where I want to be. I have always envisioned my life to be different than this bleak reality I am living now, but since I've failed to meet my (and others') expectations for my life, I just want to ******* END IT! I am hoping that maybe I could get some healthy suggestions as to what kind of activities to do or what kind of counselors to see to get out of the following messes listed below. My only 2 requests are: if that if you have a religious suggestions to spare me the whole ';turn your life to (fill in the blank here) and repent';. I'm already Christian and know this approach, but spiritual encouragement is always welcomed. And don't be mean or cruel-hearted. I won't tolerate it. So here's the mess that's making life miserable for me.
1. I'm a chronic procrastinator. It's been a problem I've been dealing with since I was old enough to do tasks. I've tried to fix it but to no avail, and I've been labeled a ';bullshitter'; because of this.
2. I'm an overly sensitive person. I'm from a family who truly believe it's constructive to tell children that they're ';simple'; or ';have no common sense'; if they say or do something they don't understand within their own logic. I'm used to being told all these things since it has happened for so long, but it doesn't disguise the fact that STILL I'm hurt over it.
3. My self esteem is very low. Due to living with an overly critical family, and feeling like the only place my opinions should be valued (home) is the place where I feel most ignored.
4. I am losing weight (happy about that); but I'm sick of embarrassing comments my family states in public. And I'm afraid of feeling sexy now that stretch marks have appeared on parts of my body that I would have loved to show off before the weight gain.
5. I feel like a loser because I want to write so bad, but I can't seem to get a break into the publishing business even though I got a BA in Creative Writing (and Justice Studies as the 2nd major); and I'm afraid of reconnecting with people I've worked with as an intern in both of those fields.
6. I am anxious to talking to my own friends after long periods of time. I feel like I no longer have anything fun or interesting to discuss or contribute to conversations.
7. I am afraid to date again. After what I thought was a heart-to-heart with my mother about my break-up; she still brings up the fact that I slept with my last boyfriends too quickly, and how I should have waited until marriage and ask God to bring my ';ordained partner'; to me (the last talk we had she stated I was acting like a slut). If I do see someone (casually w/o sex) some friends and family members complain over the fact that he's not drop-dead gorgeous, and he's not black. I am now feeling guilt b/c of the fact that I as a black woman has not dated ANY black men. I have changed my approach to dating and i would like to be chased more instead of doing the chasing (I find it kinda desperate to a degree). The only problem (in others' eyes) is that only white (and to a lesser extent, Latino, Middle Eastern, and Asian) men are chasing more often than the brothas. I feel hurt by this now more than ever, because I reunited with an ex whom I love more than anything. We separated 2x because of distance and time, but our love still remains. We are thinking carefully about something permanent (likely marriage), but I am afraid of my family and some friends rejecting him without giving him a chance because he's white and an apathetic, nominal Christian (in other words, he's a non-churchgoing, cultural Christian--a no-no for my overly religious family), who loves me passionately and respects me.
8. After the death of my grandpa 3 years ago, a good chunk of my family have pondered their own mortality and became overtly and militantly religious as a result. Since I was the last to talk to him and pray for his recovery before passing, I was upset with God, and it was the last thing I needed to stop being religious. I've gotten over my hangups, but I'm no longer religious. I no longer see God as the stereotypical, invisible, paternal figure in the sky. God is a spirit and an experience for me now. I do strive to follow Jesus' teaching and have begun reading the Bible with fresh eyes and perspectives. But I am generally turned off by organized religion (Pentecostalism in particular) and do not see myself being involved on a deep level with that institution anymore. But my family thinks I have lost my faith due to bad influences, boyfriends, and a college education. How ignorant is that?! I started feeling this way at 16, long before I was allowed to date, and I was attending an all-girls' Catholic school!
9. I feel like a child still, although I am almI HATE my life as I know it and I want it to END A.S.A.P.!?
religion doesnt exist and you're depressedI HATE my life as I know it and I want it to END A.S.A.P.!?
For one thing, your family is poisoning your mental state so see and talk to them as little as possible.
I'll pray for you. I agree with you that pentacostalism is not the way to go. I got out of that and now attend a Baptist church. I hope you will find your way.
Philippians 4:6,7
When I was 25 I thought I was dying of lonliness. It sucked. When I finally hit bottom I asked God to send me someone, and he did. I've been happily married now for 25 years.
He also send me a procrastinator. That's fine, I'm a high energy-get things done as soon as I wake up kind of girl. God sent me the perfect match :)
He is the total opposite of me, except perhaps in intelligence, which we're fairly even on, he has me beat but never puts me down because of it. He's supportive, romantic, etc. I'm not. But we compliment each other.
Our parents would have / could have ruined our marriage. We moved over 1000 miles from both sets of parents so they no longer have any knowledge of our lives except what we tell them :)
Hang on to your religions. God will send you someone in His own time...and probably when He knows your ready for whomever he sends!
1. I'm a chronic procrastinator. It's been a problem I've been dealing with since I was old enough to do tasks. I've tried to fix it but to no avail, and I've been labeled a ';bullshitter'; because of this.
* You got to keep working on it. Keep. Keep. Keep. Is the keyword. Make a goal (even if it seems like something simple) and complete it. It could be a fun goal. It could be a work-related goal. It could be a mixture of both. Why not complete a 50-page short story by June 30th? *
2. I'm an overly sensitive person. I'm from a family who truly believe it's constructive to tell children that they're ';simple'; or ';have no common sense'; if they say or do something they don't understand within their own logic. I'm used to being told all these things since it has happened for so long, but it doesn't disguise the fact that STILL I'm hurt over it.
*A strong person will look beyond and above these foolish comments. I know it hurts, but you know that most of their critiques are petty and most likely false. The best thing you can do is laugh it off and do your own thing. Remember these experiences and vow not to make the same mistakes when you have your own family some day. *
3. My self esteem is very low. Due to living with an overly critical family, and feeling like the only place my opinions should be valued (home) is the place where I feel most ignored.
* Try and find your own value within. Don't look for others to raise your self-esteem. Search out friends that will support you and help you when you ask them for it. *
4. I am losing weight (happy about that); but I'm sick of embarrassing comments my family states in public. And I'm afraid of feeling sexy now that stretch marks have appeared on parts of my body that I would have loved to show off before the weight gain.
* Congrats on the weight loss! Who cares about stretch marks? They used to bother me, until I saw that many women have them. And I am talking pretty, skinny women, too. It's natural. It won't prevent you from attracted men. Most don't care. The good ones anyway. I have had a number of guys find me attractive - and I have stretchmarks. *
5. I feel like a loser because I want to write so bad, but I can't seem to get a break into the publishing business even though I got a BA in Creative Writing (and Justice Studies as the 2nd major); and I'm afraid of reconnecting with people I've worked with as an intern in both of those fields.
*Writing is a hard business. But congratulate yourself on sticking to what you love. So many people sell out and major in something that they have no passion for - maybe because of the money is 'more' opportunities. Keep trying. Drive is a great deal of success, too. And make getting in contact with people from those fields as one of your goals (see your concern #1) *
6. I am anxious to talking to my own friends after long periods of time. I feel like I no longer have anything fun or interesting to discuss or contribute to conversations.
*The best thing you can do is enjoy life. Once you have been writing, doing fun activities, working, reading about different topics, you will have more and new things to talk about. And many times you just have to be a good listener, not be rude, and seem interested in order for people to like you. *
7. I am afraid to date again. After what I thought was a heart-to-heart with my mother about my break-up; she still brings up the fact that I slept with my last boyfriends too quickly, and how I should have waited until marriage and ask God to bring my ';ordained partner'; to me (the last talk we had she stated I was acting like a slut). If I do see someone (casually w/o sex) some friends and family members complain over the fact that he's not drop-dead gorgeous, and he's not black. I am now feeling guilt b/c of the fact that I as a black woman has not dated ANY black men. I have changed my approach to dating and i would like to be chased more instead of doing the chasing (I find it kinda desperate to a degree). The only problem (in others' eyes) is that only white (and to a lesser extent, Latino, Middle Eastern, and Asian) men are chasing more often than the brothas. I feel hurt by this now more than ever, because I reunited with an ex whom I love more than anything. We separated 2x because of distance and time, but our love still remains. We are thinking carefully about something permanent (likely marriage), but I am afraid of my family and some friends rejecting him without giving him a chance because he's white and an apathetic, nominal Christian (in other words, he's a non-churchgoing, cultural Christian--a no-no for my overly religious family), who loves me passionately and respects me.
*If they respect you, they will respect your choice in partner. If they don't, you just got to ask them to please respect your happiness. If they still won't, forget about their poison way of thinking. *
8. After the death of my grandpa 3 years ago, a good chunk of my family have pondered their own mortality and became overtly and militantly religious as a result. Since I was the last to talk to him and pray for his recovery before passing, I was upset with God, and it was the last thing I needed to stop being religious. I've gotten over my hangups, but I'm no longer religious. I no longer see God as the stereotypical, invisible, paternal figure in the sky. God is a spirit and an experience for me now. I do strive to follow Jesus' teaching and have begun reading the Bible with fresh eyes and perspectives. But I am generally turned off by organized religion (Pentecostalism in particular) and do not see myself being involved on a deep level with that institution anymore. But my family thinks I have lost my faith due to bad influences, boyfriends, and a college education. How ignorant is that?! I started feeling this way at 16, long before I was allowed to date, and I was attending an all-girls' Catholic school!
*Many people are spiritual and believe in God, yet do not like the idea of religion. It's not a bad thing at all. Don't beat yourself up over it and continue to be a good person. That is all that matters. *
9. I feel like a child still, although I am alm
*I am 27 and still feel like a child. It's okay. I know many people around my age that still live at home or still feel like children in some regards. As long as you continue to grow and set and complete goals you are doing fine. Everyone develops at different rates. Everyone has been handed different life experiences. Try and perfect yourself in areas that bother you most. And, also embrace some child-like qualities (hope, imagination, etc.) See? Feeling like a child is not all bad.*
Well, the good thing is that you have recognized the problems in your life and are determined to deal with them. There's no stopping you now.
Procrastinating can harm you success, but it isn't as bad as you think it is. You should talk to a counselor and perhaps read some books on behavior modification. There's no problem in your personal life that cannot be overcome.
I'm sorry about the way your family has treated you. It's pretty unforgivable. However, at 25 years old, you need to make them realize that you are an individual and that they have no right to criticize you life in a way that is harmful to you. If they continue to do so, you should stop seeing them. They are a negative influence in your life, and at this point when things are crucial, the fewer harmful things you have in you life, the better.
As a guy, I can tell you that we don't notice stretch marks, and if we do, we don't care. I'm sure you look wonderful.
You have a BA in writing? Intelligent. You should recognize that as an accomplishment in itself. Many people would or are dying for a BA. It's not easy, but you got it, that's the first accomplishment. I can't help you with writing tips, and my knowledge on the publishing market is minimal. Sorry.
It's natural that you don't feel so talkative to your friends when your life is in such a mess. There are books on how to retain friendships, although I don't think you need them. It seems to me that once the other issues are corrected, your social life will become normal again.
As far as dating goes, your mom has NO right to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. You are an adult and are capable of making intelligent decisions without her advice. Tell yourself that. Date who you want to. If you think your ex if the one for you, then go for it. Screw what your family thinks. This is about you, not them. You don't have to follow their wishes. Your life is in trouble right now, and although you may not like to face it, they aren't helping.
I would like to encourage you and state that as far as religion is going, you are on the right path. Many people have issues with militant evangelicals, and we wonder what had happened to the Beatitudes (Blessed are the meek?). If you are still a Christian, I would recommend the novel ';The Shack'; for you. I think you would like it. The neo-conservatives didn't like it either ;-D. If you read the Bible, I think you will find that not all the beliefs of your family are correct either. Don't let them use religion to manipulate you. ';To the Pure, all things are pure';
Finally, I would suggest that you see a counselor to get your life sorted out for good. The Y!A community like me can only take you so far, but a counselor should help much more.
I'm praying for you. God bless.
I would also like to add that so far it seems that your life isn't as bad as it seems to you. You entire life is ahead of you, and there is so much happiness and joy that you will experience if you hold on.
hey you think you got it bad, i no longer see any point in living. everything that i once loved and wanted to be are no longer important to me. i could care less about anything. i constantly wish for something to happen to me so i can die. i get yelled at all the time by my parents and they are just annoying to talk to about anything. seriously i just about shot myself tonight! i am tired of just living a life that can be broken down into a few simple things ie life is only about : food, sex, work, and death.
i give up!
We all go through extrodinarly rough times especialy in our younger years. Some people have it much harder than others, but believe me no matter how bad it seems there is honostly a light at the end of the tunnel. Please if you need to contact me through email or IM over yahoo I would be happy to discuss any problems you have, and help you work through them. If you honostly think about ending your life I would advise you to really think about it, and ask yourself if you can accept the fact that life beat you, because that is what your admiting if you take your own life. Again I would be happy to help you just contact me if you want to.
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