How do you cut-off all communication with an ex-husband? Even though there is a child involved?

I know this is a tough question because we have a child together. However, domestic violence has occured and its just not healthy to talk or be in the same room together.





Every now and then he manages to get passed the middle man (his dad or my mom). He seems like he wants to communicate effectively and then BAM!!! Hes back to talking down to me and blowing up my phone.





There is a pattern that keeps happening with us and im so tired of it. I mean, we are divorced. I DO NOT want to hear him say ';Im sorry'; for ANYTHING! Im very frustrated at myself for letting him get to me this way. I really want to just go through a 3rd party at ALL times! However, I being to go into a fantasy world where I think he is different and that we can actually Co-Parent.





HELP!!!!!How do you cut-off all communication with an ex-husband? Even though there is a child involved?
This will be difficult since you have a child together. There are a few things to keep in mind about human nature that might help you:





1. One thing that is common is that when he gets a new girlfriend and eventually starts a new family, he may loose interest in you and your child. When/If this happens, be happy. If the child support stops, who cares, your peace of mind and safety are worth a lot more.





2. In 50% of divorces with kids, the children loose all contact with the biological father within 4 years! Hopefully you will be in this statistic.





3. Never engage in conversation with him. Never see him without another adult present. Any attention you give him, he might read into it that you still care about him. Unstable people do this. Be firm, but not unkind.How do you cut-off all communication with an ex-husband? Even though there is a child involved?
You'll never succeed at cutting off communication as long as you have your ';fantasy world'; that he's normal. In other words, you need to have the desire to completely cut him off, and you don't.





Refuse to talk to him at all and if he needs to get in touch with you regarding visitation, it goes through 3rd party or it's a text message.





It's not that hard.
You might get a restraining order. This guy sounds dangerous and his sneaky tactics are common. Tell him you'll communicate through email or texting and if he refuses, take him back to court and make sure a judge ORDERS him to follow the courts orders. If he doesn't he can be held in contempt. Ask him if he thinks that's in the best interest of his child. Good luck with this.
I really feel for you. Is there any way that you could always have someone else present when you two HAVE to interact? For the sake of your child, he should really be adult about whatever issues you had...but reality is that he needs professional help. Maybe when it comes to dropping the child off, a family member could do that for you. I've been there; just Pray about it...
You 2 are gonna have to communicate for the sake of the child. But the conversation needs to be strictly about the child. And nothing else. But until he wants to change there's nothing you can do. Maybe conversing between a third party is a great idea.
You absolutely must get approval from a judge first. You can request, based off of evidence, that all communication go through a 3rd party and have it put in your parenting agreement. If he breaks it, he's in contempt of court.
It is not about you and your feelings. It is about the relationship he has as a parent to his child. If he is abusive to the child then by all means cut off communication. How does your child feel about all of it?
Well keep reminding yourself he isn't a co-parent.
You can't cut off all contact. What you can do is get full physical custody with limited supervised visitation. If he is abusive to the child, you do not even need to give visitation. There is no reason for you to ever need to speak to him if he's unable to communicate with you civilly. Eventually, he'll get over the resentment and bitterness he's holding on to and may be able learn to co-parent at some point. Otherwise, you child will get older and will be able to see for himself what kind of dad he has. Whatever you do, don't ever speak negatively about your ex to your child. Their relationship is independent of yours. Also, as you know, make sure you do everything through the courts.
You can make it so that a court mediator takes over. If the man is abusive and you are suffering as a result of this then so is your child. Ask your lawyer to fix the details and he will have a court order made so you don't need to even speak to the tosser.


You cannot believe anything he says again either, he sounds very manipulative but he is just playing with your head, he will not be civil ever!


Go back to the courts or your nearest woman's abuse centre and they will help you set this up.


Good luck.
With a child involved (and certainly custody issues), there's no way you can cut it off entirely. But you can do this: Contact him and tell him the only communications will be via email. That way, it doesn't become emotional, and you'll have a record of the things he says. I had to do this with my ex, and it worked surprisingly well. Also, because it's written communication, it forces you to quickly summarize your thoughts, be concise and get to the point.
The answer to your initial question is simple: you cannot. Unfortunately, having a child creates a near-permanent bond with the other parent, particularly if you both are concerned about that child's well-being.





I would suggest changing your phone numbers and getting one separate cell phone (they make pay-per-use cells that are pretty cheap these days) just to handle calls from your ex in an emergency. Tell him that because of how he has treated you in the past (and be prepared to explain with examples in case he acts), you are giving him one number for emergencies ONLY...all other communications have to be carried out through his dad/your mom (or however you wish to do it).





Once you make that clear, follow through. Use the cell-for-the-ex to screen your calls...whenever you don't feel like talking to him, turn the ringer (or the phone) off...if it's important, he'll contact your go-between.





If he manages to continue getting your other numbers and/or becomes harrassing, you may have to start a log of his calls (time, date, general content) and possibly threaten him with a restraining order as a last resort.





I hope this helps...good luck!
Bless your heart....I've been there too. I think the best way is to just tell him you don't want to be friends, but will share custody.....make sure he understands that you don't care what goes on in his day, or his life and co-parenting is all you will share with him. Also....tell him that if he can't deal with your 3rd parties, he can contact your attorney. But it has to begin with you putting your foot down.


I think you should be very careful though, if he abused you, he may abuse the your child as well.


Good luck.
If you are afraid of him, get a Restraining Order, against him ! Document anything he does to you ! Change the telephone number to an unlisted number. Or get a cell phone new number. You may have to contact your Lawyer, again for advise. Does he get to see or have time with the child ? If so ? The third person, one you can truly trust not to give out ANY information ! I am not inferring anything about your parents. They have probably been the only ones that have kept you from going nuts


I feel for you, and what you are having to go through. No former wife, mother, or woman should have to be treated in this manner.


Hope that I have been able to help you