Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How to get over your first love?

I dated a guy from my 8th grade year in school till the year after I graduated highschool. The last yr was really tough bc of course when your young your confused and usually want to experience more in life.So we broke up. He was extremely upset and heartbroken but I kept telling myself that it was for the best since all we did was fight.I thought at the time I was doing the right thing bc I wanted both of us to be happy again and it was obvious we weren't. He tried to get with me for over a yr and I wouldnt. A year went by and we started talking again. I realized I missed him alot. We hung out for about a wk or two and then he told me it's prob best we dont see each other anymore bc he was really starting to care for someone else. Now I was the one devasted. We were engaged at one point in time and were suppose to get married after college. We had our lives planned out perfect. The thing is its been FIVE years since we've been together and not a day goes by that I dont think of him. Honestly! I haven't dated anyone bc my heart is so broken that I dont even know how to love someone again. My heart wont let me. This may sound stupid but I dont know how to be sweet and loving anymore.I'VE TRIED trust me.

We seen each other about 6 months ago at the mall. It was totally unexpected and both of us were speechless. Neither of us said a word,just walked away after we made eye contact. He did however walk past the store i was in 4 times before leaving the mall. Each time all we did was look at each other in disbelief that it was really us right there in front of each other.Since that day it has been horrible! Im even more depressed since I seen him.

I called his dad the other day to check on him bc lately his health hasn't been the best. He was always like the father I never had.We talked for 2 hours about different things then he mentioned me and my ex. He talked about how he wanted me to be part of the family so bad and he wished things would have worked out. I told him I figured my ex would be married by now bc he was always the serious type. Then he told me he didnt think my ex was over me completely and even though he's been with this girl a long time he doesn't see them ever getting married.

What do I do?! I am miserable! Its been 5 years and I can't seem to forget him. I wonder if he thinks of me like I do him. How do I get him out of my head so that I can be happy again.How to get over your first love?
I'm still trying to get over my first love as well. It was not as serious as your situation, and I'm only a freshman in college. I think that once you find someone else that you seriously love, you'll be over him. They say time heals a broken heart, but I know that time period is probably one of the most painful things to go through. All I can tell you is to try to look forward with your life and not regret. Life's too short to regret and wish what could have been. I often wonder why things happen the way they do, but I keep telling myself that God doesn't make mistakes. I hope things go well for you and that we both can move on.How to get over your first love?
Its always tough getting over your first love because until you date someone else, all of your thoughts about romance will be associated with that first special person. However, what you describe is a situation in which your ex has decided to move on while you are still emotionally stuck on your past with him. Even if you are not ready to love someone else, you really owe it to yourself to love yourself enough to want to heal your heart. I found that I had to learn how to date myself. I started doing things I enjoy by myself. Set some personal goals and focus on reahing those...that will give you some positive activties to keep you busy so you won't be sitting around dwelling on your ex. Try exercising, meditating, whatever...just do something to better yourself and in time, you will move to a place where things with your ex seem less significant.

The hardest lesson in love to learn is that you can not make someone feel something he or she doesn't feel. Tough as it may be, you have to begin to accept that life goes on and people change. Rarely do people end up with their first loves-especially when they are so young... (I'm 39 and STILL haven't found my true love!)

Look at this as an opportunity to move on and experience new relationships and learn more about you. While you may never be able to erase all feelings for your ex, you must learn how to put those feelings in perspective and realize that that relationship has run its course and now you are preparing yourself for the next one. Its good that you SAW (not seen) him at the mall...seeing him forced you to do deal with the feelings that are still there. Perhaps you two should agree to meet and talk about things to help you gain closure. If you truly live him, the best thing you can do for him is turn him loose so he can explore his love interests. Otherwise, you may end up convincing him to stay with you when he really wants to be elsewhere, which will only cause you more heartache in the end. Trust me, if he is meant for you, you 2 will find your way together in the long run.

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